The Teachings of Equus - The Language of Emotion

I have been writing this post for what seems like weeks now. It started out being a straight forward learning about emotions and what I've learned from the horses about processing through those challenging intense emotions. And there was a thread about only expressing those "professional emotions" (thanks Stephie for that phrase, it’s perfect). You know, only the positive, uplifting ones.

Well, the past few weeks have been full of the intense emotions that don’t fall into that "professional" category. I have a family member who is dealing with the loss of a significant other who was terminally ill.  And before he passed he had been admitted to a hospice. The range of emotions that both of them went through was intense. Sadness, grief, guilt, anger - all of these emotions. Mixed with moments of joy, love and then more guilt for feeling those too.

I have had the privilege over the past couple months to co-facilitate a few retreats with a First Nations care team and the new leadership team. Many of these emotions came up with them also, as there are challenges that they face as front line workers in their communities. 

Dealing with intense emotions can be very challenging. It’s uncomfortable. We bump up against those voices in our heads that say “Get over it”, or “Suck it up.” The cultural conditioning that says we have to be strong and that tears are a sign of weakness, and anger signals a lack of self control. Or in some cases, past experiences of emotions being used against you in a vulnerable moment. Unfortunately, listening to those voices that would have us bury our emotions can sometimes lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse.

But what if instead of trying to suppress these emotions, we listened to them? What if we paused, became still and listened to what our body and soul are trying to tell us through these emotions?

This is one of the greatest things I've learned from the horses.  The language of emotion. When you break it down to e-motion, energy in motion (thank you Jenny Lincoln for that break down, it’s really stuck with me), it's easy to understand why horses are so masterful at helping us with this. They are masters at reading our energy. The beauty of horses is that they don’t see emotions as negative or positive; it’s all information to them. They feel the energy; they assess whether there is a threat to them, and act accordingly. There is no judgment or expectation, no right or wrong emotions. They just are.

But how does that inform our actions? What do these emotions mean?  Sometimes they just mean our sensitivity is tuned in to a certain individual and that they are a priority to us. We may be feeling what they are feeling because we are close to them and they are important.

Sadness and grief are part of losing a loved one.  These emotions are intense and can be overwhelming, but they are not wrong. They are telling us we are mourning a loss of something important in our lives. Maybe there is something to be memorialized or appreciated, or a life to be celebrated.

Some emotions may be telling us that there is a value that has been crossed and a boundary that needs to be set. Maybe with ourselves, maybe with someone else. Are they telling us of a misalignment, listening too much to just our head and not checking in with our soul? Perhaps following a course of action that others tell us we “should”, instead of listening to our inner knowing.

Here’s where the language of emotion intersects my favorite topic – leadership. In this case, self-leadership. And the first step is self-awareness. What if instead of dismissing emotions as something to get over, we got curious about what they were telling us? What action, person, event triggered the emotion in the first place? What if we didn’t judge ourselves for feeling the emotion, but listened when those feelings rise? What if we paused a moment to “feel” so we can ACT, instead of REACT?

Here's my invitation to you: when these intense emotions arise, pause. Be present. Try to sit with the discomfort for a few minutes and take note of how you feel.  Where do you feel it in your body? Headache? Unsettled tummy? Just take note.

What thoughts run through your mind? Memories? Situations where you feel you could have acted differently? Try not to judge, but just take note.

Remember, these emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. Can you identify the trigger for these emotions? And then, can you let them go? Or is there an action you need to take first?

Humans are emotional beings. It's part of who we are. The beauty and the pain of emotion is part of the richness of Life, and experiencing the full range brings appreciation for the happy and joyous emotional experiences.

​Learning to dance with these emotions is one of the most powerful Teachings of Equus. If you would like to learn more, or schedule a session with me and my herd, please contact me at  [email protected]. Wherever this finds you today, I’d love your feedback.

Much love from Toni and the Herd.

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