Leadership, Vulnerability and Boundaries

Last week I spent a few days in the presence of masterful teachers. A herd of 25 horses who reminded me of the many layers of leadership.
You might ask, “Why Horses?” As prey animals, they are biologically designed to be highly sensitive to each other and to their surroundings. Their survival depends on it. As such, they have much to teach us about ourselves and how we are perceived by others. Horses are masters of intuition and emotional intelligence. You see horses mirror back to us what we bring to an encounter. They are a pure reflection of the energy and emotion that we project. Without ego, without judgment. Just a reflection.
Last week was a lesson in awareness around how I hold my energy. How I project it. And how it changes when I stand authentically in my leadership. It was also a lesson in trust and vulnerability. Many of us have been conditioned to ignore or dismiss our sensitivity around our energy and emotions. I’ve often been told to get over myself or I’m over-reacting. And perhaps at times I do over-react. But I believe that tapping into this awareness, this gut instinct, is an essential piece of the leadership puzzle. Learning to “read the space” is a skill that our equine companions are well equipped to teach us.
You have often heard that people in positions of authority have a “command presence”. All leaders need to have this ability to be strong in their energy. They also need to know when to soften that energy or boundary and be a bit vulnerable to show trust in their colleagues, because it engenders trust in return.
Boundaries are required to keep ourselves and others safe. Setting our own boundaries, respecting others. Boundaries do not have to be verbal or physical, they can be energetic. Grounding in through your personal strengths and center of confidence can help you project that energetic boundary with someone in any situation. Holding those boundaries creates safety around vulnerability.

So how did these horses teach me about boundaries? Well, one big gelding named Cheveyo has sense of humor and likes to have a back scratch. He can be quite insistent about it and will back his big bum right into you until you scratch him. If you have ever tried to push back against 1000 lb animal, you know it’s not very successful. So how do you assert that boundary? That’s when you need to set an energetic boundary. Grounding into your energy and holding your position. Not in anger, not in frustration, but in confidence in your leadership. The beauty of horses being so sensitive to energy, is that they respond immediately when you project that energy. They start respecting your space. And so instead of trying to push him out of my space physically, I took a deep breath and found my center. That feeling of personal power when I connect to my strength and authentic leadership. And he stopped pushing. He started to respect the boundary that I set. But there was one more piece he wanted me to recognize. He was standing with his bum towards me. This is a very vulnerable position for him, horses can’t see directly behind them. When I acknowledged that I was grateful for the trust he had in me, he turned his head to look at me and snorted softly and walked away. Message received.
Vulnerability is a difficult one for me. Both personally and in my leadership. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that vulnerability means weakness. And as a leader you shouldn’t show weakness. This conditioning often causes us to mask what we truly feel in an effort to project strength and confidence. That creates an incongruence in our energy. Some of us can tune into that and we recognize that the individual is not being entirely genuine. Not necessarily dishonest, they may not realize it themselves as a result of holding this conditioning for so many years. But horses see it. Or rather they feel it. Cheveyo knew it. And he held the boundary until my thoughts and my energy were on the same frequency. I was in my authentic self and it rang true to him. Vulnerability and trust go hand in hand. As does setting boundaries. Being vulnerable does not mean you can’t be discerning as to when and with whom you choose to be open.
Many of our conflicts are a result of not being aware of our own and others energy and boundaries. Typically, anger and frustration arise when a boundary has been crossed. And often it is crossed unintentionally.  Developing our awareness of our own strengths and priorities will help us set boundaries to provide some safety around being vulnerable. We also need to dial up the sensitivity to others boundaries and be respectful of that space.
And one more lesson from the horses. Shake it off and go back to grazing. As sensitive as they are to emotions and energy, they don’t take it personally. To do so would be a threat to their survival. They read emotions and energy, and assess whether it is a threat or not and then take appropriate action. No threat? Great, they don’t take it personally and they quietly go back to grazing. It is a human tendency to hang onto things and sometimes blow them out of proportion as we dwell on them. That is our ego getting in the way. So let’s dial up our awareness, set and respect boundaries, have the tough conversations, and then shake it off and get back to living and leading authentically.
The picture above is my teacher Cheveyo and myself.

​