This story has taken me longer to write than I anticipated. Tash joined us in August, and I wanted to spend a little time to get to know him before I shared more about his story. In doing so, it started me down the path of reflection about my own gifts and wisdom which took a little more time to process.
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It's been a real privilege to spend time with this beautiful soul. He came to us with the name Taj, which I like, but as I sit with him more and get to know him, I am struck even more deeply with how generous of spirit this guy is. As he steps into a different way of being here with the Firehorse Herd, I felt (and I think he agrees) that he needed a name that is more reflective of the wisdom he has to share with us.

We are his fifth home (that we know of) in his seven-year life. He's been worked in a feedlot, ridden quite hard before he landed with a young girl who was doing some jumping, and discovered he had an injury, which is why they opted to find him a home that was less strenuous. That young lady named him Taj, which means crown in Arabic. 

His name before that was...Hank the Tank. Just no. That’s not at all reflective of this golden boy’s wisdom.

This handsome guy has been so willing and open to partnering with humans in a different way, in spite of being treated poorly or disrespected by some in his past. He remains generous of spirit, and although a bit guarded in some interactions, he is one of the first of my herd to approach and is quite content to spend time in your presence.

And so, Tashvin, or Tash for short, means approachable and generous individual. 

This spirit of generosity is just one layer of the wisdom Tash has to share with us. He is extremely sensitive and holds a lot for others.  Other herd members, humans, and other animals. What I mean by that is with his sensitive nature, he feels the challenges, pain, confusion and discomfort of those around him, and he holds a space of compassion and support for those that need it.
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As I spend more time with Tash and allow him the space he needs to get to know me and others, I see his wisdom, his medicine, starting to expand. By recognizing his sensitivity and giving him the choice as to whether to engage or not, I see him becoming more comfortable in his new herd. More curious, even a little pushy at times, and more confident. It’s a pleasure to see more of the range of his personality and wisdom. I’m looking forward to our partnership and to see what he has to teach me and others.

If you would like to learn more about the Teachings of Equus, or schedule a session with me and my herd, please contact me at   [email protected]. Wherever this finds you today, have a fabulous one.

​Love Toni and the Firehorse Herd.

Some of you may recognize Cooper from my other posts.  My leadership journey with this big guy has been almost 20 years in the making. And I am still learning, about myself, about him, about my leadership presence in the world and about how profoundly Cooper’s wisdom has impacted my life.

Cooper came to us in spring of 2002 as an unruly 3-year-old. Actually they told us he was 5, and when the vet gave him his checkup, he said no way. Explained a lot about him actually, and so we began our training together.

My partner and I were brand new horse owners. Honestly, we were so green, we had no business owning such a green horse. I shudder when I think of the mistakes we made, the misguided advice we were given in some cases and followed, and just our general ignorance around caring for and training a horse. Add to that, several people advised us to get rid of him. They said he was dangerous and was going to kill somebody. And make no mistake, Cooper was definitely undisciplined, had a bunch of bad habits and was not very respectful. It was a combination that could have turned out badly. But from our perspective, he was part of our family now, and so we stubbornly carried on.

Best. Decision. Ever.

So not being an experienced horse person, I started to educate and train myself, so I could train my horse. At least at the time I thought that’s how it would work. We sent Cooper off for some training to give us a head start. He was only gone a month, but when he came back he had lost about 150 lbs, he looked like the little boy he actually was. I felt awful, cause I thought this was not the way to treat such a young horse. He was more respectful, yes, and he was not abused, but he sure was worked for that month. At that point, I decided he and I would learn together. And so I began riding lessons, and not just for me, but for me to train Cooper.

Taking riding lessons on Cooper was a lesson in determination, perseverance and resilience. Okay, at the time, I called it stubbornness not determination. But determination, I have learned over the years, is an important piece of Cooper’s wisdom.

We took lessons and we did a lot of arena work.  He spooked, he crow hopped and I came off more than once. We did a lot of trail riding, and then we started trailering him to the mountains with us for our annual camping trips. Over the years, he has become my most trusted equine partner. All heart, he never let me down and I would trust him with a toddler on his back.

When he first joined us, I learned a lot and took lessons, thinking that I would be training him. Maybe there were things he learned from me, but I think I have learned far more from him. The first several years I thought I learned about my leadership from the way I influenced Cooper.  Learning to manage my energy, my assertiveness to match his determination. I was given the advice on many occasions that you have to show him that he’s not going to win, that you need to have more staying power than he does so he learns whose boss. He has to learn that he needs to trust you when he is feeling unsettled. That last part is true, he needed to be able to trust me. And I needed to learn to trust him.  Not just under saddle, but as a partner.

The last few years though, I realize, I learned more about my leadership from Cooper in his natural state of being. He has been patiently playing along with me all this time, when he is a master in his own leadership, and has been waiting for me to realize that.

Aside from the riding and horsemanship lessons, Cooper and I have journeyed through some health challenges.  This is where I have learned the most from him. The riding etc was more for my benefit, an effort to satisfy my need to manage his behaviour. When we started dealing with some health issues, I needed to listen to him. This is one very stoic horse. He does not show when he is in pain very frequently, so you need to really observe the subtle changes in his behaviour, his interaction with the other horses, and the effort that he makes with his human herd.

Cooper is a very food motivated horse.  That contributed to some of his health issues, that and our inexperience in dealing with it.  Cooper gained a lot of weight being just on pasture and foundered quite badly. And that created a predisposition to abscesses in his feet. All very painful for him. So once we understood what we needed to do, we started to manage his food and access to the rich pasture, along with appropriate vet and farrier care. We continued to exercise him and ride him when it wouldn’t aggravate his conditions, and just spend time with him. Part of the food management meant that he was limited to a smaller pen, especially in the spring, and when he was out, he wore a grazing halter.  A grazing halter looks almost like a muzzle, it limits the amount of food he can grab at one time, so it slows his eating down significantly. And helps control his weight. He didn’t get to go out with his grazing halter on for long periods of time, cause I would come home to find him knee deep in the greenest grass and his halter hanging from a fence post or floating in the dugout.

So here’s an example of how determined this horse is. As I said, I had Cooper in a smaller pen, along with one of his herd mates.  I try not to separate him completely, because horses as herd animals need to be with their community as part of their overall well-being. Anyway, he was in the small pen which had been grazed down almost to the dirt. We had a small man-gate that just had a heavy chain across it at the entrance.  So I came around the end of the garage one day just in time to see Cooper buckle to his knees, flip the chain over his neck with his head, and then proceed to scooch on his belly far enough so he could stand up on the other side. I was literally stunned into silence. Now Cooper is not a small horse.  He is about 16 hands and at the time he was probably about 1300 pounds. Watching a 1300 lb horse limbo under a chain gate to get to a small patch of green grass certainly reinforced in my mind how determined this big guy is. And then when I yelled at him, he just looked at me and sighed as if to say, “Shit, she caught me”, and you guessed it, went back into the pen the way he got out. I laugh every time I think about it. Needless to say, we found a different way to secure the gate.

Over the years, I have watched this guy deal with acute discomfort, overcome it, carry on with being who he is, and in the process he has taught me a lot about living in the moment. He has struggled through some serious discomfort. But he does not carry that with him. He manages his energy as he needs to when he is in pain, he rests, he lays down, sometimes he keeps to himself because he can’t move as quickly to get out of the way of the other horses. And when he is not in pain, he plays with Whiskey, my other gelding, he grazes with Dara his constant companion, he travels all over the pasture, when I would rather he stay close to the house. He does restrict or limit himself based on the memory of discomfort. He releases that and lives in the present.

Cooper is now 23 years old and has a disease called Cushings. The disease is starting to progress, and his quality of life is deteriorating.  Not gonna lie, there are tears as I write this, and it feels like a final tribute to my amazing partner. I will not have Cooper with me for much longer in the physical sense, but his spirit and wisdom will be with me for the rest of my life.
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Thank you Cooper for sharing your life with me. I am so grateful for the years of love, wisdom and partnership. ​

​The past few months I have been completing a leadership development program with The Tala Leadership Institute. Last week was our completion retreat at Epona Rise Retreat Center, putting into practice the learnings of the past few months, and really leaning into embodying our leadership.

I fully believe that each of us possesses a set of gifts or strengths that make us truly unique in our leadership. I also think that we do not fully embrace the breadth, depth and intensity of our leadership. We humans spend most of our time in our heads, we operate with our awareness from the neck up. Along with that comes a tendency to listen to that inner critic, that voice that tells us that we need to conform to someone else’s perspective. At least, that’s my experience. But that tendency limits the range of personal leadership that is available to us. So what does it mean to embody our leadership? And how do we recognize when we are?

One definition of embody is: to be an expression of, or give a tangible or visible form to (an idea, quality, or feeling). How do we express the strengths and qualities of our personal leadership? How do we incorporate them to such a degree that we visibly live into them fully? I’ll even take that one step further and ask How do you feel in your body when you are standing firmly, authentically in your leadership?

It can be difficult to make visible, or tangible, a feeling or quality.  So how do we know for ourselves when we are embodying our leadership?  This is where our amazing wisdom partners, the horses, really have an impact.

Let me take a step back and review why horses are such masterful teachers for us.  Horses, as prey animals, are biologically designed with heightened sensitivity. They are masters of intuition, emotional intelligence and of reading the space.  In the wild, it’s a matter of survival for them. They also do not have the same ego brain that humans do, so their response to us is without agenda and without manipulation.

The time I spent with the Herd at Epona last week was full of lessons, but I want to share a couple that landed the learning of embodying our leadership.

​One afternoon, we did a move the herd activity.  My partner and I needed to work together combining our leadership strengths and move two horses from one side of the pasture to the other. As most of you know, I have my own mini-herd of horses, and I am no stranger to moving them between paddocks and pastures, lol sometimes more successfully than others. The rules were no halters, no hitting, no bribing. So by embodying our leadership, we shift the energy that we bring to the interaction and the horses respond to that shift.

And yes, that is sometimes much easier said than done.

Horses demand authenticity. Its not the words you say, it’s the alignment between your intentions and the energy you bring.  And some horses require you to dial up the intensity of your energy. You need to truly connect with your energetic center and project your energy.

Ok, back to the pasture.  We had a young gelding, new to the herd, and a mature gelding who I think is about third in the herd leadership hierarchy. We each took a horse and proceeded in our attempt to move them. I had Indra, who is the older mature gelding, and my partner had Merlin. I had Indra’s attention, he was right there with me. But he would only move a step or two. I looked over at my partner, and Merlin was merrily grazing away not paying any attention whatsoever. I have more experience with horses, so I walked over and said you just need to get his attention, and I clucked sharply, got his attention and he moved.

Our coach and facilitator said, well that worked with Merlin, why won’t you go there with Indra?

Good question. With Merlin, I just knew. I knew how to engage my leadership and push enough to have him respond. Now Indra. He is a master teacher in the Herd. He teaches and mentors the young horses in the Herd.  He is a leader in his own right. To match his leadership ability, I would have to bring it. Not aggressively, but confidently. I would have to truly embody the gifts and qualities that define my personal leadership, and I would have to dial up the intensity for him to take me seriously. Not from a place of ego, but from my authentic leadership.

So, I visualized a situation where I felt confident and successful in my leadership. How did I feel? Right down to physically, what did I feel in my body? For me, I felt rooted, anchored into my heels, shoulders back and squared, expansive in my heart space. And when I embraced that feeling, and projected it with confidence, Indra moved.

​OK, it was a bit bumpy, because I was a bit tentative, but that’s the beauty of having horses as our wisdom partners. When you land in your authenticity, the feedback is immediate and obvious.
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So our coach asked why did you each take a horse instead of working together to move one at a time?  Also, a very good question, not one that we considered when we discussed our approach. So next task, work together to move one horse. Now which of the herd would step forward to partner with us on this one?
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Chief. Yes, he is the lead gelding. So off I went with the halter to bring him into the pasture, and he graciously cooperated while I put it on, and then promptly stayed rooted where he was. Lol, talk about being humbled by the Master. So my partner added her support, and it was like Chief said, “Oh they really are serious.” And off he went. No need to actually get to the pasture, the point was made. The two of us stepped into our collaborative leadership and the energy shifted. And Chief responded.

As it is for a lot of folks, this is a time in the year that I sit back in reflection.  Reflecting on the year that’s passed, where I’ve been (physically, mentally, and spiritually), where I am, and where the path is leading me. Over the last few weeks in various conversations, friends have posed some questions that really struck a note with me and I jotted them down to sit with in my process of reflecting.

How am I co-creating with spirit?

When we are in our clear, collected anchored space, what opportunities or possibilities open up to us?

Where do I want to force things? Where can I just let them be?

How can I be in relationship instead of pushing agenda?

How do I invest in myself?

How do I not care what other people think?

​This last one can be a bit of a stumbling block. Sometimes our path is not easily understood by those around us. To be fair, our loved ones usually only want what’s best for us, and want to keep us safe. Criticism is often born from a fearful mindset. But they also see the world through their own filter, and their choices, their path, may not be the one that’s right for us. So how do we stick to our authentic path when others disapprove? How do we not care what other people think?

The fact is, humans can be judgmental. And its only human nature to want those important to us to support our decisions and our visions for the future. So of course we care what other people think. I care what those close to me think about what I’m doing. Some are proud that I’m forging forward courageously.  Some are skeptical that the business I’m building is even viable. Some call me a crazy hippie lady that talks to horses. No really. That’s a reality for me. Sometimes my feelings are hurt. Sometimes I cry and feel deflated. But still I’m moving forward.

My hurt feelings are about my ego. My path forward is about following my soul’s purpose. It’s not that I don’t care about what people think. But I am more committed to pursuing what makes my soul sing, than I am to dwelling on what bruises my ego.

It still trips me up from time to time. Sometimes I get sidetracked and don’t want to deal with it and so I sit and watch scifi or play games. I’m human.  Its not about being perfect and never sliding into doubt, but how quickly can we recover back into our authentic confident self. That’s where my process takes me back to what are my anchors? And what is my why? My anchors are those things that bring me back into clarity and confidence. Quiet time by myself, spending time with my horses, time with my family and loved ones, and being outside in nature.  These are some of my anchors. And when I take the time to reconnect with those anchors, the why becomes clear. To provide a home for my horses, to support my loved ones, to find fulfillment for myself. Those are some of why I’m pursuing my path forward.

So when we are connected to our anchored space, what possibilities open up to us? When we find ourselves sidetracked, it’s easy to let limiting beliefs consume our thoughts and hold us back from stepping forward into our courage zone. That’s right, our comfort zone is safe, secure and familiar. But that’s not where growth or progress happens, for that you need to stretch. And that can be a little uncomfortable. It can also cause us to try too hard to force things to conform to our expectations. What if we practiced being present to what is? Being available to possibility and opportunities that we cannot imagine because our beliefs and experience limit what we think could be. I’m a believer that the universe conspires to support us. When we open ourselves to the possibilities and are confident in our ability to handle what comes our way, the universe opens the door to some amazing opportunities. So, how are we co-creating our future with spirit? How can we be in relationship with the flow of our life instead of pushing an agenda borne from a limited perspective?

Wow, that just struck a chord for me, that will be something I sit and reflect and journal about over the next few days.

That, and how do I invest in myself? And I’m not specifically referring to financially, but in general.  What relationships do we pursue that support our growth, challenge our preconceptions, trigger us to strive to be more than we thought possible? How do we address our self-care? What do we do for ourselves to ensure that we are equipped and supported to handle the challenges that life is sure to throw at us? And yes, where do we invest funds in coaching, education, and mentoring?

That’s a bit about my process of reflection, particularly as we approach the end of the year and look toward the future.  What are your traditions that have you preparing for the new year? I’d love to hear your feedback.  My next step is creating my vision board.  Stay tuned for that process in the coming days!

If you would like to learn more about the Teachings of Equus, or schedule a session with me and my herd, please contact me at  [email protected]. Wherever this finds you today, I’d love your feedback.
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Happy New Year from Toni and the Herd!

I have been writing this post for what seems like weeks now. It started out being a straight forward learning about emotions and what I've learned from the horses about processing through those challenging intense emotions. And there was a thread about only expressing those "professional emotions" (thanks Stephie for that phrase, it’s perfect). You know, only the positive, uplifting ones.

Well, the past few weeks have been full of the intense emotions that don’t fall into that "professional" category. I have a family member who is dealing with the loss of a significant other who was terminally ill.  And before he passed he had been admitted to a hospice. The range of emotions that both of them went through was intense. Sadness, grief, guilt, anger - all of these emotions. Mixed with moments of joy, love and then more guilt for feeling those too.

I have had the privilege over the past couple months to co-facilitate a few retreats with a First Nations care team and the new leadership team. Many of these emotions came up with them also, as there are challenges that they face as front line workers in their communities. 

Dealing with intense emotions can be very challenging. It’s uncomfortable. We bump up against those voices in our heads that say “Get over it”, or “Suck it up.” The cultural conditioning that says we have to be strong and that tears are a sign of weakness, and anger signals a lack of self control. Or in some cases, past experiences of emotions being used against you in a vulnerable moment. Unfortunately, listening to those voices that would have us bury our emotions can sometimes lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse.

But what if instead of trying to suppress these emotions, we listened to them? What if we paused, became still and listened to what our body and soul are trying to tell us through these emotions?

This is one of the greatest things I've learned from the horses.  The language of emotion. When you break it down to e-motion, energy in motion (thank you Jenny Lincoln for that break down, it’s really stuck with me), it's easy to understand why horses are so masterful at helping us with this. They are masters at reading our energy. The beauty of horses is that they don’t see emotions as negative or positive; it’s all information to them. They feel the energy; they assess whether there is a threat to them, and act accordingly. There is no judgment or expectation, no right or wrong emotions. They just are.

But how does that inform our actions? What do these emotions mean?  Sometimes they just mean our sensitivity is tuned in to a certain individual and that they are a priority to us. We may be feeling what they are feeling because we are close to them and they are important.

Sadness and grief are part of losing a loved one.  These emotions are intense and can be overwhelming, but they are not wrong. They are telling us we are mourning a loss of something important in our lives. Maybe there is something to be memorialized or appreciated, or a life to be celebrated.

Some emotions may be telling us that there is a value that has been crossed and a boundary that needs to be set. Maybe with ourselves, maybe with someone else. Are they telling us of a misalignment, listening too much to just our head and not checking in with our soul? Perhaps following a course of action that others tell us we “should”, instead of listening to our inner knowing.

Here’s where the language of emotion intersects my favorite topic – leadership. In this case, self-leadership. And the first step is self-awareness. What if instead of dismissing emotions as something to get over, we got curious about what they were telling us? What action, person, event triggered the emotion in the first place? What if we didn’t judge ourselves for feeling the emotion, but listened when those feelings rise? What if we paused a moment to “feel” so we can ACT, instead of REACT?

Here's my invitation to you: when these intense emotions arise, pause. Be present. Try to sit with the discomfort for a few minutes and take note of how you feel.  Where do you feel it in your body? Headache? Unsettled tummy? Just take note.

What thoughts run through your mind? Memories? Situations where you feel you could have acted differently? Try not to judge, but just take note.

Remember, these emotions are not right or wrong, they just are. Can you identify the trigger for these emotions? And then, can you let them go? Or is there an action you need to take first?

Humans are emotional beings. It's part of who we are. The beauty and the pain of emotion is part of the richness of Life, and experiencing the full range brings appreciation for the happy and joyous emotional experiences.

​Learning to dance with these emotions is one of the most powerful Teachings of Equus. If you would like to learn more, or schedule a session with me and my herd, please contact me at  [email protected]. Wherever this finds you today, I’d love your feedback.

Much love from Toni and the Herd.

​I wanted to expand a little bit on a post that I did some time ago with my Reflections with the Herd series about getting back to grazing. Getting back to grazing is one of the most powerful lessons that I've learned from the Teachings of Equus.

Let me go back a step.  Horses are prey and herd animals.  They spend the vast majority of their time grazing.  Relaxed, being present with their community. As prey animals, they are biologically designed to have a heightened sensitivity. They are very aware of their surroundings, the energy that enters their space, what's happening around them. They are masters at "reading the space". And they can be triggered or alarmed if something comes into their space that poses a threat to their safety and well-being. It’s a matter of survival.

But the beauty of horses is they don't hang on to that energy. Horses feel, reflect, and respond. And then they go back to grazing, they return to their natural state of being. Horses are very efficient with their energy as a matter of survival. To stay in a heightened state of anxiety, on the verge of flight, would sap their energy and leave them at risk of not being able to respond if another threat arises. In the wild, a horse in a constant state of anxiety is a dead horse.  So horses feel the change in energy, they reflect on whether it’s a threat, and then respond accordingly.
 
And then they LET IT GO.
 
They return to grazing.

It's a lesson that I think that we all can learn.

For us, what does that look like?

Do we even know? Do we know what our natural state of being is?

I look around at the world right now, everybody is in a hyper-vigilant state of awareness because of the chaos. Because of the pandemic, because of the crises in economic environments around the world, because of political instability.

The level of anxiety that we are currently experiencing is unsustainable. I mentioned that horses feel, reflect and respond.  Humans typically observe, analyze (or over analyze), and problem solve. Our ego mind, which horses don’t have, keeps us reliving and analyzing, making it difficult for us to let things go.

But how can we get back to grazing? How can we let some of this anxiety and distress go and get back to grazing?

Remember back to grazing is getting back to our natural state of being. We need to know what that is for each of us individually and collectively in our communities. Do we know what that looks like for ourselves? That self awareness and self reflection is key.
 
For myself, I look to my horses to tell me when I’m operating authentically or not.  Horses demand authenticity. Their behavior and response to me tells me whether I’m grounded in my natural state of being or if I have let anxiety and fear run the show. My default state is one grounded in respect and compassion. I’m connected to my friends and family and community. When I let fear and the uncertainty around me settle in, and begin to feel panicky and anxious, I feel myself withdrawing and isolating myself.  I get cranky, and sometimes intolerant. I fly off the handle. My horses immediately respond in a different fashion.  Sometimes avoiding me, sometimes being very pushy and disrespectful.  Mirroring back to me the disconnect that I’m feeling. Sometimes the feelings of anxiety are subtle, and I don’t even recognize them myself at first.  But the horses read the shift in my energy, and their behavior changes. That’s always a sign for me to get curious about what they are responding to.
 
Similarly, our communities also have a natural state of being, and we all contribute to that. I live in a rural area near a small town. Friendly, helpful, engaging is how I would describe our town. In these challenging times, there has been an undercurrent of tension that has been introduced. The social distancing requirements have made our daily interaction, well, a bit weird. There is less eye contact, people take the long way around, there are short tempers. Differing opinions on wearing face masks, keeping distance, and in general the disruption to our daily routine, has heightened anxiety and in some cases divided where we should stand united. This has been building for months, now, and as I said before, this heightened state of anxiety is unsustainable. Don’t get me wrong, challenging times also bring out amazing acts of kindness and generosity.
 
We each have a role to play in bringing our communities back to their natural state of being.  Our new normal, as they say, doesn’t have to be hyper-vigilant and anxious. Just as the herd looks to each other for balance, so do we.  The leader in the herd can restore calm with their return to grazing, we each can influence the energy around us by knowing what our natural state of being is and finding a way to “get back to grazing”.
 
What is your natural state of being? How can we embrace our inner horse wisdom?
How can you “get back to grazing”?
 
If you would like to explore your natural state of being, or other Teachings of Equus, I am booking one on one sessions, both in person and virtual, with me and my horses in August and September. You can email me  at [email protected] for more information and to book a session.

​Transparency post - This I think is a pretty fundamental philosophy for me. And its fair to say I’ve been a bit triggered on this topic lately.

You see, I have people in my life that are less positive, I would say probably negative. And they consume far too much media that follows a more conspiracy theory sort of perspective. You know, we live in pretty challenging times right now and being isolated from our communities can lead us to go down a train of thought that sees nothing but greed and corruption and negativity in the world.

And I'm not blind to the fact that there are some truly shitty people out there. Those that take advantage of situations in pursuit of their own personal agenda with little regard for the impact on others. That's just a fact. And unfortunately, some are in positions of power and authority.  But there are also some truly generous, compassionate, positive individuals out there that deserve more of our attention.

So what is it that you see in the world?

Do you see the corruption? Or the greed? What do you see? What do you choose to see?

My default is to come from a place of compassion and a generous spirit. Like I said, I'm not blind to the fact that there are some really negative people out there. But that's not what I want to put out there in the world.

Yes. I need to be realistic. And just because I choose not to dwell on the negativity and the panic and hysteria does not mean that I'm stupid or I'm an idiot. Not at all. I see it out there, truly I do.

But I will not feed the hysteria. I will not believe that everyone is greedy and corrupt. I choose. To see the world in a different way.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not perfect, and I have my days when I don’t feel so compassionate or generous of spirit. But on those days, I choose to take a moment and be grateful for what I do have. I choose to be positive. I choose to lead by example. I see people that are overwhelmed by what's happening around them, and they do behave a bit selfishly. You know what, people ARE overwhelmed. They're frustrated. They're worried. And you know sometimes really good people do really shitty things. That doesn't mean that they're shady or evil people. It just means they're overwhelmed.

I have the capacity to be compassionate. To lead by example. To continue to be grateful for what I have in the world. And that's what I choose to see in the world also. I choose to see those that are compassionate, I choose to see those that are generous. I choose to believe that most people come from a place of positive intent. And I choose to foster that overall mentality. 

And when I see unacceptable behavior, I call it out. Some of what is going on cannot be tolerated. But you can do so respectfully. And with compassion, as we don’t know what an individual may have been dealing with that might trigger their actions.

So what do you see in the world?  What do you choose to BE in the world?
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Much Love from Toni and the Herd.

PS - Pictured above is a 30 Day Gratitude E-Journal created by  my dear friend Jenny Lincoln. Its a beautiful collection of thoughts and prompts to support a grateful, positive mindset.  Here's the link to get your free copy.
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https://www.facebook.com/JennyLincolnCurbsideCoaching/app/123077107711598

Would you like to read my blogs on a regular basis? Please join my email list so you don't miss out on the discussions.
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Yesterday was farrier day in my household and this big guy that I've got pictured is Cooper. He has been limping for the last week or so and I've been very worried. You see, he is a horse who suffers from chronic laminitis. I've got him permanently in hard bar shoes to help support his feet and make him more comfortable. But he is aging. And I have been very worried about him.

Cooper is a really stoic guy, and doesn't typically show it when he's in a lot of pain.  He also has some other medical conditions for which he takes daily medication. So this past week my thoughts have been swirling around his health and how much longer he may be with us. Is this it? Is this the time that I have to make the decision to as to whether he needs to end his time with us?

What am I going to do? I would be devastated.

So as I try to stay calm and bring all the horses up for the farrier all of these thoughts were swirling in my head.

So I told my farrier about some of the challenges that Cooper's had this week and asked him to take a close look at his front feet in particular because that seemed to be the problem. So he pulled his shoes off and he says oh, well, this is probably the problem. He's got an abscess.

I can't tell you the relief that I felt when we found that abscess. Now that's not something to be super excited about, but it's much better than the alternative.

And Cooper just turned around and looked at me and kind of gave me a nod as if to say, "see, I'm not ready to go yet."

So this is where the thoughts around self-leadership come into play. I am by nature someone who feels things very deeply. My horses are very important to me and I take their health and well-being personally.

But sometimes things happen. Horses age, they step on rocks. They step in holes and twist their foot.

But my thoughts around their well-being can get carried away and lead me down a path of thought that brings anxiety and distress. Unnecessarily I might add. And the shoulda, coulda, woulda's that result and the self judgement around not watching them more carefully, can spiral out of control.

Anticipatory grief. I was already anticipating being sad and heartbroken at potentially losing one of my horse partners before I actually knew what was going on.

So how do we take control of our thoughts?

Self-awareness is probably the first step in self leadership.

Recognizing when our thoughts are running away with us. When we're blowing things out of proportion. When we're allowing what could be, overtake what actually is.

Being fully present to what is actually happening instead of what we fear.

And as I watch him run and buck down the field this morning, I shake my head at myself at allowing my thoughts and emotions to run out of control.

Self leadership. Being present, being aware of what is.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't be aware that decisions may need to be made. Certainly, we need to make plans. We need to entertain some of those thoughts. But we don't need to let them spiral out of control. 

What a lesson I've learned from Cooper today. Taking things in stride, acknowledging the discomfort but not letting it spiral out of control, and then get back to our natural state of being.  For him, back to grazing or bucking down the field with the herd.  For me....

​Hmmm, that feels like another blog post.  What is our natural state of being?
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​In this unprecedented chaotic time, we have had our normal routines disrupted. For many, this disruption is stressful and anxiety inducing.  For sure there is total uncertainty at the moment.  For our well-being, for our ability to pay the bills, for maintaining our connections with loved ones. It’s all in a state of flux.

Most of us can’t wait for things to return to normal. Why? I think in large part because we as humans are somewhat resistant to change. Normal represents our comfort zone, whether we are completely happy with that normal or not. And we have all been thrown into a pretty extreme state of discomfort.
How about we flip that narrative? What if we see this as an opportunity?

To take stock. Review our normal. Take inventory of what normal was, and what parts of it we want to carry forward. Dave Hollis had a quote “In the rush to return to normal, use this time to consider which parts of normal are worth rushing back to.”

Stop for a moment and consider that. Is your normal something you are so passionate about that you are desperate to get back to it? Or by default, was it your comfort zone?

Now is a great opportunity to take inventory of our lives.

Our relationships, not just our intimate relationships. Those with our friends and family members.  Are they everything we want them to be? What about our old normal do we want to carry with us around our relationships?  What do we want to change? Can we start to implement those changes now? I know there are things about my relationships that I have been taking for granted.  Now that I am not able to physically connect with those in my life as much as I am accustomed to, I am starting to see where I am not holding up my end of the relationships. I miss my family. I’m making more of an effort to connect on-line and by video chatting.

Our work. Are we passionate about the work we do? Does it feel purposeful and fulfilling? The COVID 19 virus has seen governments implement extreme measures to assist in keeping our population safe. Many have lost their jobs, and many businesses will not recover and will permanently close their doors.  Many more will change the way they do business, disrupting the return to work for a lot of people. You may have been doing work you love. How might that change as we move forward? I’ve been delaying launching into the on-line world. But now is the time. More than ever.

How we spend our time or our money. In navigating this total uncertainty, we may have found a resourcefulness as a result of isolation and shortage of supplies that we want to expand upon. With the direction to stay home as much as possible, we may find that busyness has been consuming our day to day life. We have an opportunity to slow things down and revisit what takes priority. What might that look like? For me, it means spending more time with loved ones, even if that virtually at the moment. And getting back to my creativity. It’s been put on the back burner as a result of conflicting priorities for a while.

How we be in the world. We have an opportunity to revamp our way of being, a choice of what we want to re-introduce into our lives. The swirl of negativity and worry around us is heavy at the moment. But there are beacons of positivity and joy as well. The best side of humanity is also being seen. We have an opportunity to embrace that choice. My choice to be more compassionate and thoughtful. What’s your choice?
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Unprecedented chaos and disruption. Also unprecedented opportunity. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how “normal” might change for you. How can I support you in navigating that uncertainty?

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​I am a person that strives to lead a purposeful life. I have a couple of passions that keep pushing me. One is seeing the potential in others and supporting them as they fulfill that potential, its why I’m a coach and why I focus on personal leadership. One of the other passions is my horses. And I’m privileged to partner with them in my coaching practice.
One of the most frequent questions I get when I tell people that I’m a leadership coach, and I focus on equus coaching, is what is equus coaching? And then, why horses?
These gentle creatures have developed a relationship with humans for centuries. I believe they choose to partner with us as much as we choose them. Horses are prey animals and highly social herd animals. As prey animals, they are biologically designed to have a heightened sensitivity. Their survival depends on it. They are also masters of emotional intelligence and intuition. They are uniquely in tune with their surroundings. The field of equine assisted learning, or equine facilitated human development, leverages these instincts and is a powerful arena for learning about our own behaviours, intuition and how we show up in our leadership.
So how does this work? When we look at how herd animals behave and how their instincts keep themselves and the herd safe, we find many opportunities for learning. A horse brain differs from humans in a large way when it comes to our learning. They do not have an ego brain. Our ego is responsible in large part for how humans process information. We think (sometimes overthink), rationalize or analyze, and problem solve. We often suppress negative emotions or reactions that we have been conditioned to believe are socially unacceptable. Horses on the other hand view emotions as information. Not negative or positive, simply information. They observe, assess whether it is a threat to their survival and respond accordingly. They respond to the energy that we bring to the encounter as a pure reflection. They are a mirror without ego, manipulation or personal agenda. They see us for who we really are – unhindered by the filters that we as humans see ourselves, others and our relationships. They are honest in their view and their reaction. Their survival depends on it. We can learn much from this pure and honest reflection.
Horses demand authenticity when interacting with them. I believe that authenticity is a cornerstone of leadership. Well, of life, really. How do we know when we are operating authentically? With integrity? Sometimes we don’t. But horses do. Our human habit of suppressing our emotions or modifying our behaviour to reflect what we THINK is acceptable instead of what we FEEL is right creates incongruity with our energy. Horses see right through the slightest incongruities of emotion and intention, and often become visibly agitated or very detached in interacting with people who are covering their emotion with an appearance of well-being. Yet once that person acknowledges the real emotion instead of faking it, horses will show immediate signs of relaxation.

​I partner with my horses to help people explore their own personal leadership. Their strengths, their emotions and behaviours. My role in this partnership is translating horse behaviour into a language that humans understand. My horses' role is to do what they do best - respond authentically. Equine guided coaching, or equus coaching, is a powerful way to explore one’s own authenticity and learn to embrace their personal leadership. As a coach, I help relate the experiences they have with my horses to the challenges they face in their lives. These experiences are not riding lessons, most activities are conducted on the ground beside the horse, without any restrictive equipment. Previous experience with horses is not required. All you need is an open mind, an open heart …. and maybe weather appropriate clothing!
Are you curious about how equus coaching can support your personal leadership development? I’d love to hear your feedback and am happy to answer any questions you may have.
If this resonates for you, my 2020 workshop schedule will be posted soon. One on one experiences with me and my horses can be scheduled at your convenience. Please contact me at [email protected] for more information.