Last week I spent a few days in the presence of masterful teachers. A herd of 25 horses who reminded me of the many layers of leadership.
You might ask, “Why Horses?” As prey animals, they are biologically designed to be highly sensitive to each other and to their surroundings. Their survival depends on it. As such, they have much to teach us about ourselves and how we are perceived by others. Horses are masters of intuition and emotional intelligence. You see horses mirror back to us what we bring to an encounter. They are a pure reflection of the energy and emotion that we project. Without ego, without judgment. Just a reflection.
Last week was a lesson in awareness around how I hold my energy. How I project it. And how it changes when I stand authentically in my leadership. It was also a lesson in trust and vulnerability. Many of us have been conditioned to ignore or dismiss our sensitivity around our energy and emotions. I’ve often been told to get over myself or I’m over-reacting. And perhaps at times I do over-react. But I believe that tapping into this awareness, this gut instinct, is an essential piece of the leadership puzzle. Learning to “read the space” is a skill that our equine companions are well equipped to teach us.
You have often heard that people in positions of authority have a “command presence”. All leaders need to have this ability to be strong in their energy. They also need to know when to soften that energy or boundary and be a bit vulnerable to show trust in their colleagues, because it engenders trust in return.
Boundaries are required to keep ourselves and others safe. Setting our own boundaries, respecting others. Boundaries do not have to be verbal or physical, they can be energetic. Grounding in through your personal strengths and center of confidence can help you project that energetic boundary with someone in any situation. Holding those boundaries creates safety around vulnerability.

So how did these horses teach me about boundaries? Well, one big gelding named Cheveyo has sense of humor and likes to have a back scratch. He can be quite insistent about it and will back his big bum right into you until you scratch him. If you have ever tried to push back against 1000 lb animal, you know it’s not very successful. So how do you assert that boundary? That’s when you need to set an energetic boundary. Grounding into your energy and holding your position. Not in anger, not in frustration, but in confidence in your leadership. The beauty of horses being so sensitive to energy, is that they respond immediately when you project that energy. They start respecting your space. And so instead of trying to push him out of my space physically, I took a deep breath and found my center. That feeling of personal power when I connect to my strength and authentic leadership. And he stopped pushing. He started to respect the boundary that I set. But there was one more piece he wanted me to recognize. He was standing with his bum towards me. This is a very vulnerable position for him, horses can’t see directly behind them. When I acknowledged that I was grateful for the trust he had in me, he turned his head to look at me and snorted softly and walked away. Message received.
Vulnerability is a difficult one for me. Both personally and in my leadership. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that vulnerability means weakness. And as a leader you shouldn’t show weakness. This conditioning often causes us to mask what we truly feel in an effort to project strength and confidence. That creates an incongruence in our energy. Some of us can tune into that and we recognize that the individual is not being entirely genuine. Not necessarily dishonest, they may not realize it themselves as a result of holding this conditioning for so many years. But horses see it. Or rather they feel it. Cheveyo knew it. And he held the boundary until my thoughts and my energy were on the same frequency. I was in my authentic self and it rang true to him. Vulnerability and trust go hand in hand. As does setting boundaries. Being vulnerable does not mean you can’t be discerning as to when and with whom you choose to be open.
Many of our conflicts are a result of not being aware of our own and others energy and boundaries. Typically, anger and frustration arise when a boundary has been crossed. And often it is crossed unintentionally.  Developing our awareness of our own strengths and priorities will help us set boundaries to provide some safety around being vulnerable. We also need to dial up the sensitivity to others boundaries and be respectful of that space.
And one more lesson from the horses. Shake it off and go back to grazing. As sensitive as they are to emotions and energy, they don’t take it personally. To do so would be a threat to their survival. They read emotions and energy, and assess whether it is a threat or not and then take appropriate action. No threat? Great, they don’t take it personally and they quietly go back to grazing. It is a human tendency to hang onto things and sometimes blow them out of proportion as we dwell on them. That is our ego getting in the way. So let’s dial up our awareness, set and respect boundaries, have the tough conversations, and then shake it off and get back to living and leading authentically.
The picture above is my teacher Cheveyo and myself.

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There is a lot of buzz about finding the perfect work/life balance. You need to have a balanced approach to your work. You need to make time for yourself; you need to make time for your family. All of that is true in certain respects. But here’s a different perspective - A colleague once told me that balance was something from which he recoiled. He equated balance with mediocrity. To him it implied that excellence needed to be dialed back, and areas that required improvement needed additional attention in order to bring about equilibrium. Hmm, interesting.  My Cousin tells me she finds balance in the extremes. All-in when she’s working, and completely unplugged when on vacation.
The truth is balance is different for everyone. And perhaps the goal should be clarity and not balance. We had a great discussion on the weekend around balance and what it means for each of us. My insightful friend Ciel used the metaphor of an infinity loop to describe a relationship with balance. The center point represents Clarity. The loops pull us away from center as different aspects of our life take priority. Sometimes our work, sometimes our family, or maybe our health requires us to detour away from center for a while. But always there is tension pulling us back from the outside edge of the loop to bring us back to that center point.
I believe it is clarity that keeps us centered. That clarity can be elusive at times. It takes a great deal of self-awareness. Soul searching. Understanding your strengths. Embracing your authenticity. Having this depth of understanding of yourself can bring about clarity of purpose; an alignment with our authentic values and strengths; clarity around what anchors us in our life. I think we need to go a step beyond that as well and be aware of the rhythms that occur in your life. We all have times when we are most productive, more creative, have more or less energy. These times can cycle daily or change with the seasons, they are unique to each of us. So often our schedules are structured around what works best for others – our employer, our family, but rarely ourselves. Taking some time to evaluate where we are operating at our best can relieve some of the pressure to find balance. Dancing with those rhythms around the infinite loop, but always having clarity bring us back to center.
That’s my slightly different perspective on balance today. Enjoy the Dance!

Often when we think of leaders, it is the charismatic, outgoing personalities that we think of first. And there are many leaders who fit that description. However, that doesn’t necessarily make them an effective leader. That certainly helps when they need to tackle certain tasks or roles, but its only part of the equation.
So what is it? Specific qualities? Presence? The ability to wear many hats? I think perhaps all these things.
This is where I think it’s so important to understand your personal strengths in developing your own leadership style. I’ve mentioned before that leaders can be found everywhere you look. And they aren’t always the most visible individuals in the situation. Leaders are the ones embracing their strengths, and encouraging others to embrace their strengths, stepping back if someone else is better equipped to handle a situation.
This is something that I have learned a great deal about from my horses. The picture above is of my three horses at the time, about 12 years ago. When I ask people who the leader in the herd is, most will say the one in front. What is it about him/her that leads you to believe that? They’re in front, the biggest, the most striking? Well he is all that, and he’s got a big personality as well. But he’s not the leader. Every herd member has a different role to play in the survival of the herd. Watching how horses establish a hierarchy that works to keep the safety and well-being of the entire herd at the forefront is really a lesson in leadership. Cooper, the black and white paint, holds the role of what Linda Kohanov in her book “The Five Roles of the Master Herder” would call Sentinel. Buddy, the dark bay is the Leader, and Brandy, the redhead, is a Nurturer. As the leader of the group, Buddy stepped back and let Cooper play to his strength – being watchful and guarding the safety of the herd. That’s not to say that Buddy couldn’t be the Sentinel, but he shares the responsibility.
So too, with human interactions, a leader needs to understand his or her own strengths, and the strengths of those around them. They need to create space for others to step forward into a lead role and demonstrate their strengths. And they need to recognize the areas that they need to cultivate and develop to be an effective leader. They need to be able to take on different roles. Sometimes the listener, the nurturer, ensuring everyone is heard. Sometimes decisive, providing clear guidance and direction.
Awareness. I think awareness is a key factor. Being aware of your personal strengths, opportunities for improvement, our personal filters through which we see the world, who we are at our core. This self-awareness enables us to be authentic. You can’t inspire others to fulfill their potential if you are not operating in a genuine manner. Their support will be hollow, half hearted, because as a leader you are not being authentic.
Listen, allow others to be heard. Cultivate a skill set that aligns with your authentic core values.
What other qualities so you see as essential for an effective leader?